we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
