I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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