guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
