Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
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I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
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What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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