I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
