For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
