With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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