Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
