Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
