I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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