listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
