it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
