He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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