By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
