I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I want to have your abortion
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
