My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
