You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
