I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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