P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
