It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
