dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
