It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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