guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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