I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
