Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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