I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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