his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
