Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
