no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
