So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
