Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
