Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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