Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
