Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
