It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
