I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
handjob tips. give me some.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
