I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
