So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
