GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
