dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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