she woke up with a sticky ear
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
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