I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
