im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
