Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
