so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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