Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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