I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize