He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
