Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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