i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
