At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
