I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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