you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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