drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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