He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
