I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
