return my video game
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
