my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
