He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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