last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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