when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
