first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
