make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
