I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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