I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
