As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just pee around me
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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