guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
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