that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Acid is not a monday night drug
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
