Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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